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Tuesday, December 1, 2009
i know i can't be selfish. but now when it all comes to this. i really dk what to do. how i am i going to stop feeling like this? i can't sleep at night anymore. and it's not because i'm afraid of th dark or there's a monster under my bed. it's not that. th thoughts, th worries, th fears i have come back every night. it's easy for them to come back because it's all dark, there's nothing to distract me.
"th hands need smth to do to distract th mind from thinking too much."
yea. sounds easy. but you'll come to realise that there's nothing worthwhile to do. get a job? not a chance. play maple? i've reached 60, there's practically nothing to do now, except grind till 70. watch shows? watched. finished. what then?
so i sleep in th day. and stare at my ceiling at night. wondering, pondering, fantasizing about you. while th numerous thoughts i have start gnawing at me. yea, i know i think too much. but name me smth else i can do. just name one.
with each passing day, we're drifting further apart. then it'll lead to nothing. i know this feeling. i know how much it hurts. i can't let it happen again. but do you know how i feel?
inferior.
that's th word.
[1:55 PM]
We're big, we're bad, and we're...adorable?