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Sunday, May 31, 2009
awww man i'm so stressed/nervous for tmr :/
heard that shouldn't study the day before the exam so i didn't. AND I TOTALLY REGRET IT. my mind is totally blank now. awww man. what if i freak out tmr. like when i see the paper "HOLY SHIT! I CAN'T READ A DAMN WORD!" omg then what if some super extremely difficult bzbd question comes out. aw man i'm so screwed la. PLUS i've only been preparing for bzbd. so my choices for the lun shuo wen is out. and needless to talk about narrative -.-
then for the first component. gaaaaaaaaaaa. i totally din study for the gong han la. :( i bet all those nerdy nerds have already prepared for everything and are slacking like shizz right now. tsk.
plus that problem has been bugging me for like over 3 months. i haven't told a soul about it and i don't really want to. everytime i'm close to telling someone, like i just can't say it out. well since tmr's the big day, i guess the right words to use are 没有倾诉的对象. i really want to tell someone but i just can't find the right time, right person, right place etc. etc. though i was like this close to telling this particular person last night. i really really really wanted to say it out. but i don't know how to start. ok imma try my best to type it out. though i doubt anyone would understand.
it's like a whirlwind of problems. the cause of the main core of the whirlwind is also the solution of that particular problem. so the more the solution helps to solve the problem, the more it worsens it, makes the problem even bigger. i tried A LOT of times to just get out of the whirlwind but it never worked. i have to have that solution to solve my problems, even when i know that it'll only make things worse. get what i'm saying? it's super complicated and the above description is only the surface of the MAIN ISSUE. which is even more complex than what i've just said. so now to make things easier, the cause and the solution to my problems is a person. the same person who caused the pain, then eases the pain. so the more it eases the pain, the more pain is caused. so on and on the cycle repeats. and it's not only that person. that person then branches out to OTHER cores which then causes OTHER problems for me. confusing eh?
ok, 我在此停笔。希望能够尽快受到你的回信。
人
嘉欣 启
2009年5月31日
[2:34 PM]
We're big, we're bad, and we're...adorable?